1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
