Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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