It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
