Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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