just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
