he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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