Me too!
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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