there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
