My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
