Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
