I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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