Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
