Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
