I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
