Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
