College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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