I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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