I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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