yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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