you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
