How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
