I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
