It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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