his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
