I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
