You're so nebulous sometimes
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
