I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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