My friends, they love my intelligence
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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