the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
