literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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