I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
