New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize