Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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