i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
