She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
