no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
