she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
