I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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