In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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