I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
