Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
