New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
