Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
