I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
