Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize