My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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