last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
