planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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