Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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