So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
