Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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