the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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