I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
