So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize