Sponge bath it is.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
