My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
and you fell through a lawn chair
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
