ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Randomize