I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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