Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
