I think I died a long time ago.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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