So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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