so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
