Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
