I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
