He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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