I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Even my vagina gasped.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
how drunk are you?
Several
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
