"it" just moved
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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