You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
there is glitter all over my balls
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