Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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