so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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